i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
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In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
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Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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