So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
