Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
