well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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