You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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