yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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