I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm too high and old for this...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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