Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
there's paper in my vomit.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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