I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Randomize
