please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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