How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
