I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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