i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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