she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
