the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
