While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
