I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
