I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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