I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
