I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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