thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
