we have pet lesbian snakes
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
