love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
