I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I can't turn off my feet"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
