We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
