I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
In other news, I just burned my penis
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
