Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
