we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
