i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
