but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
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Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
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Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...