Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
