they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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