If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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