I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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