shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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