Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
