im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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