I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Randomize
