Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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