I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
