My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
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haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
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I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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