If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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