can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
