I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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