I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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