Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
