thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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