Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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