I want to have your abortion
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
