i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
