It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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