sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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