you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
