you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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