I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
