Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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