i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize