i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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