I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
